Sexual Abuse or Assault

The use of sexual behavior to gain control of another person through power or humiliation.

• Forced or manipulated you into having sex or performing sexual acts.
• Made sexual jokes or demeaning remarks about your gender
• Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
• Touched you in unwanted ways
• Held you down during sex.
• Accused you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
• Demanded sex when you were sick, tired, or after beating you.
• Demanded sex by using threats
• Wanted you to dress in a sexual way
• Involved other people in sexual activities with you.
• Insulted you in sexual ways or called you sexual names.
• Ignored your feelings about sex.
• Withheld sex as punishment
• Falsely accuse you of being unfaithful
• Rape

Physical Abuse or Assault

• Slapped, hit, punched, or grabbed you.
• Pushed, shook, or kicked you.
• Pulled your hair, twist your arm, pinched you.
• Choked, spit at, or bit you.
• Broke your bones or caused internal injuries.
• Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
• Hurt your children or pets.
• Scared you by driving recklessly.
• Intimidated you – when angry, smashed things; destroyed your property; displayed weapons; thrown objects; punched walls; tore clothes; kicked doors.
• Withheld your food, clothing, sleep, or medicine.
• Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
• Forced you to leave your home.
• Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving, may even have locked you up.
• Prevented you from calling the police or seeking medical attention.
• Used physical force in sexual situations.

Batterers – the Ultimate Dateface

Physical abuse is a form of domestic violence that involves strength or weapons. It includes physical force or threats of physical force. Physical abuse is a crime.

Are You Physically Abused?

You have experienced physical abuse if your partner has done the following to control or gain power in the relationship:

Physical Abuse or Assault

Sexual Abuse or Assault

Stalking

Boozers and Other Substance Abusers

Financial Abuse

Made you economically dependent by controlling your access to money by making you ask for money, giving you an allowance, or taking your paycheck; refusing to share money by not letting you know or have access to family income; and not wanting you to work and/or stopping you from getting or keeping a job.

Psychological Abuse

• Made you do something that compromised your own values in order to please your abusive partner.
• Controlling Activities and Isolation - controlled and monitored what you do, who you see, who you talk to, what you read, where you go so that you can’t stay in contact with family or friends; limited your outside involvement; used jealousy to justify actions.
• Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming – made light of the abuse and not took your concerns about it seriously, said the abuse didn’t happen, shifted responsibility for abusive behavior, said you caused it.
• Children – made you feel guilty about the children, used the children to relay messages, used visitation to harass you, threatened to take the children away.
• Male Privilege – treated you like a servant, made all the big decisions, acted like the “master of the castle,” the one to define men’s and women’s roles; expected you to ask permission.
• Coercion and Threats – made or carried out threats to do something to hurt you or your children, family or pets; threatened to leave you; threatened to commit suicide if you abandoned them; threatened to kill you if you leave; threatened to report you to welfare; blackmailed you about your sexual orientation or other sensitive information; made you drop charges; made you do illegal things; used lies to manipulate you.
• Intimidation – made you afraid by using looks, actions, or gestures; abused your pets; displayed weapons; took or destroyed your possessions

Verbal Abuse

The gateway to physical harm; it should not be dismissed. Does not necessarily involve yelling.

• Put you down with insults (“You’re stupid,” “You’re ugly,” “You’re a liar”)
• Called you names
• Cursed you out
• Yelled at you
• Criticized or falsely accused you
• Humiliated or made you feel bad or embarrassed about yourself in private.
• Humiliated or made you feel bad in any way by falsely accusing you in front of others or doing something embarrassing in public.
• Punished you by withholding affection
• Left nasty messages on your voicemail
• Made you think you’re crazy
• Played mind games
• Made sarcastic comments
• Constantly questioned you about your activities
• Made you feel guilty
• Sent you cruel letters or e-mails

Demeaners and Their Bad Demeanor

Abuse can come in other ways besides bruises and black eyes. Harder to identify and perhaps more injurious in the long run, emotional abuse is a nonphysical, non-criminal form of domestic violence that can lead to criminal violence. Verbal, psychological, social, and financial abuse can destroy a person’s spirit and self-esteem through words and actions.

Are You Emotionally Abused?

Even though people say things they don’t mean sometimes, raise their voices, and get in verbal arguments, emotional abuse is the repeated use of hurtful words or actions that can become the norm in a dysfunctional relationship.

You have experienced emotional abuse if your partner has done the following actions, with total disregard for your feelings, on a constant basis to control or gain power in the relationship:

Verbal Abuse

Psychological Abuse

Financial Abuse